Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I was shocked to see this video, I got scared at first because its really disturbing.. lol and the song is called Disturbia.. It'll frighten small kids.. the song's interesting though((:
She needs me, yet she does not need me
She cares for me, yet she does not care about me
She's my best friend, yet she's not my best friend
She makes me cry, yet she makes me laugh all the time
She believes me, yet does not take advice
She treasures friendship, yet don't understand the real meaning of love
She encourages me, yet she don't know who she has hurt
She tries, yet gives up easily
She smiles, yet gives a devilish look to the world
She entertains us, yet she runs away from tough situations
She's happy, yet uses vulgarity all the time
This is specially for someone, I'd really rather wanna give up a tough situation, but I just can't. I care for her so much then I did for any other friend. She's my friend, someone whom I can speak to, yet someone I can't persuade. I don't know how to change her but still God wants me to change her. I feel bad all the time, I don't want to break a friendship and be annoying, but at the same time, I want to share God's love to the world.. for some particular reason why, everytime the subject comes, I end up hurting myself, yet I wait patiently.. however, the more I wait the more it gets worse and my other close friends would tell me 'Then you should give up..'.
My answer would still be the same, that is, 'I can't, she's a dear friend to me, a friend that has given me wonderful memories although she has hurt me, I just can't give up. I don't want to be like my mother who used to say 'I give up on you'. I really want to be a light for her and a light for God'. Everytime my tissue paper calls, I would complain and breakdown in tears, and she had to just listen to me. She would then say, 'But listen to yourself, you've been hurt, if you feel hurt then you should distant yourself!' However, in my heart there's always something telling me, 'But she's your friend, just like all your other friends that you treasure the most, just don't give up!'
There would always be something telling me, 'Love your neighbours and enemies as you love yourself!' thing is I don't really love myself.. but I love all my friends, each and everyone mean something to me.. 'A best friend that once carve his/her name in your heart can never be removed, so treasure them and love them like how a mother loves her child.' I can never give any friend up just to protect myself. I just can't give them away..
Thank you Adora for always being my tissue paper, you've never fail to give me a listening ear. You've heard me cry so many times over the phone.. yet you feel so helpless at the same time. I shall make one of my classmates to be my tissue paper, that way I don't have to trouble you all the time((:
I have friends that gives me happiness((: That's all I need.. I've got a few of my classmates, my church friends, My choir friends and not forgetting my family members((: I'd rather be rich in friendship than to be filthy rich with no true friends. I thank God for my life, though my life is like a rollercoaster ride. I thank God for putting friends beside me that are always true and trustworthy. Money can get you your wants, needs and materialistic and temporary joy. But it can never buy love, SO WHAT if one is rich?
Without REAL and TRUE friends.. you'll get to nowhere. Life will never be life when your filthy rich. You can buy dummies and put in your house so that you can have someone/something to talk to everyday, but you can never get that comfort and love like an average person can. You'll be living a false and fake life with nothing if your rich. I rather grow old with friends whom I can still count on rather than walk on the streets hearing people say, 'Hey, isn't that the rich old hag who's living by herself all her life and never getting to experience friends or love?'.. I feel sorry for rich people who only lives by money. I feel sorry for people who prefers money then friendship and love. SO WHAT if im not rich? Im happy just the way I am, even if I were to be rich, I would hide my richess from my friends and pretend to live a normal life just like everyone else((:
Love can be defined in many ways.. NOT just BGR.. love can mean, love for your pet, love for your friends, love for your family, love for your favourite celebrity, love for your gadgets, love for the food that you can eat, love for stuffed toys, love for your hobbies or even love for your television!! Imagine a world without love.. you and I won't have friends, we won't have families.. even worse.. WE WON'T EVEN EXSIST! Think about it, I don't think anyone can live without love. Im proud to say, Im glad I can feel love around the world.
I grew up having lots of difficulties in my own life, think yours is so bad?! I was always sick when I was young.. I had countless of illnesses that always have me land up in hospital. I was always a sickly child until my grandmothers told my parents that I was a burden to everyone. I was the cause that landed up my parents in debt. I had fites, neumonia, tonsillitis, thelesamia, I was never well, always a sickly child. Grew up with a mother that tortures me everyday, canes, slap, abuse me and my sister. You go ask around if someone elses childhood involves the child where almost everyday the child had to put plaster saying that he or she fell and got a cut when actually its a 'wonderful present' from their insane mother. Ever got locked out of the house for not doing my homework.
My family weren't christians back then, used to see my own mother get abused by my dad.. one would take the table the other one would take the chair. I could only hug my sister and cry. I saw my sister get tortured by my mother, both of us got beaten up till we were bleeding for help. Thats not all, becaue I was the cause of my parents debts, my mother grew into depression after miscarraging 2ce and pushed all the blame to me during exams and tests. I had to live with it, my mother was not sane and I get blamed all the time, most of my reletives would think I was a good for nothing, some even calling me 'spoiled brat'! Its not nice to have a mother that is in depression, mine was worse, she torture me by saying things that weren't meant for my ears and then continued to push all the blame to me and then threatens to commit suicide. Im forced to apologise to her for nothing and I had to kneel just to say 'Im sorry'. These happened during my 'N's FYI, think you can handle the stress?
You guys think you've got one heck of a life? Try mine, beaten black and blue but I still try my best to look at things at the bright side. If you still think your life is way worse then mine then go ahead cause there are people worse off than you and me.
I'm just glad my life is better now because I've been looking things at the brighter side and believing in God always((: My mother is more sensible now and more understanding towards me. I still love her for who she is and will still never forget she's my mother despite the fact that she used to torture me.. I can proudly say that God was always with me and im sure for some of you out there, unless you look at things in a brighter way, you'll never learn to forgive, forget and love. You'll be living in misery and you'll always have a low self-esteem. I feel sorry for these people too because, you'll never learn to respect yourself or others in the future.. And lastly, I do have a motive writing everything here, because I know I can never talk to that person whom I feel sorry for, and she'll always turn me down for whatever I try to say..
Last week's musical pictures((: Im glad that I could see my friends again, as I said, time really flies. It seemed just like yesterday I was trying and having difficulty to get the musical tickets.. haha. Now everything is over.. gone in a flash.. I just hope that we can all meet up again sometime soon and catch up with what's going on in our daily lives.. I will miss you all terribly and will never forget any of you((:
I took one more very special photo with Jasmine, I can't put it up because I still havent got the photo.. haha((:
This post is draggy, feel free to laugh at it or whatsoever, but this post is meant for someone special. Because I know I can never reach out to her, sometimes I myself try to help her so many times yet sometimes I don't even know Im trying to help her.. I can't tell when Im helping and when Im not helping anymore. I just want my old friend back.. The one that I met and got to know better 5-6years ago.. I don't want things to get worse, I just want my old friend back..
I'd rather be rich in friendship than to be filthy rich../7:00 PM
