Monday, August 4, 2008
Im lost.. I feel so terrible thinking that im involved in some so called 'fight' but I can't help.. I feel helpless and terrible.. I never knew I would dread Sec5 year so much..Photo taking was fake.. everyone put on a fake smile.. I know this because mine was super fake.. I didn't wanna take it, felt like going home but I couldn't come up wit any excuse.. so I practically dragged and forced myself to smile for 4 freakin shots..Hating someone is tiring.. I know myself coz whenever I tried not to smile at my enemy.. I feel horrible, coz Its not me at all.. its really isn't me. I hate my enemies yes, however I cannot back out on a smile.. I've always kept this thinking in me, 'A smile might brighten up someone elses day..' well its true!I have to be honest, in some situation I AM 2SIDED.. this im admitting coz there are different kinds of 2sided or some call it 2faced people.. 1) You tell 'a' that you hate 'b'.. however when you meet 'b' you say you hate 'a' as well.. in the end you try to hide your real identity by pleasing both 'a' and 'b' thoughts. What happens when 'a' and 'b' both tells each other that you hate them?! Your caught in the middle and people won't believe you anymore..2) You hear 'b' story and you also hear 'a' story to try to clear things up. you then tell both 'a' and 'b' that you don't wanna be 1sided coz its ain't fair to the other party. What happens if 'b' doesn't wanna tell you her story then? you'll of coz side 'a' forever coz you'll never know 'b' thoughts, however you're still friends with both 'a' and 'b'.There is no right or wrong in being 2sided.. however it hurts yes.. but I want to be number 2 coz I want to be 2sided to help my friends out.. however im disappointed in myself coz I can't do anything to help and I feel terrible)):I've never faced a situation this bad before.. its double the pain that im getting.. I just lost a friend and now im seeing my close friends not in good terms anymore + another friend who is really really troubled coz she's somewhat in my shoes too)): I feel horrible and twice the pain.. + my O's.. The weight of the world on my shoulder is just too heavy. I just wish to throw everything to God. He is my only source of hope and strength.. I can always turn to Him for help though my prayers won't be answered immediately but I still trust Him like how a child trusts his/her father..Dear Lord, this prayer is dedicated to the aggressive now.. those who are feeling angry or being troubled. Lord, please help them nomatter how much it hurts. Please be with them and walk with them to be forgiving and willing to love once again. I really thank You Lord for friends that helped me at some points and now I really wanna pray for all of them as they've helped me. I really hope to step into a class full of love and where friendship never ends. Give them the strength and courage to do their O's and those who've been hurt please heall the brokenhearted. Thank You Lord, In Jesus' most precious name I pray, Amen.I had a dream just last week. A really beautiful dream [until my sickening rabbit woke me up -_-], a dream where everyone was really loving and giving smiles to one another.. believe it or not IT IS OUR CLASS!! I dunno why God gave me this dream, though it looks disgusting however I really felt the peace and love from each of my friends.. Enemies didn't have any hatred among each other, its like the class had an over-night makeover.. its was wonderful, no more speaking words of doom, just no devils to posesses anyone in the class, its like angels took over our bodies giving each other hugs and kisses, encouragement and even compassion for one another. I loved what I dreamt and I wish that dream will come back again..I know I've hurt someone.. I feel even terrible now. My words were poisonous and I think that was the first time I ever said to any of my friends. I wish I could take back those feathers I let go, I wish I could take back the water that I poured in the sea. So this, I really apologise for what I said. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry (x infinity). The words that I said, sounds as though I was always right.. and the truth is Im not always right, I make mistakes too. Just like this one.. I enojyed the times where she make me laugh when I cried, entertained me when Im bored. I thought bout it and I really apologise for saying those things, typing those hurtful messages.. Im really really sorry)):I've got no mood to blog anymore.. I just want everything to be peaceful and happy again.. I guess that won't happen anytime now.. not just yet, I think all of us are waiting for time to heal..
peace? not anytime now../7:30 PM
