Sunday, March 29, 2009
How can I be so stupid? I never expected me to be so foolish and such an idiot.
I DREAD MY 17TH YEAR THE MOST.
Because every happiness just stop ever since the day I turned 17.
Nothing was right for me.
I failed,
I died
I waited..
And more depressing things come up for me
I hate my 17th year of my life.
I never knew things would be so bad?
What happened to me?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Its like I just woke up.
If this is the case, I wanna go back to sleep for eternity.
I don't ever wanna wake up since it is the only way to find happiness.
I just wanna give up if this life is gonna continue for.. infinity.
Where are You may I ask?
Just tell me where are You?
Why is it that every time I need You the most I seem to get no answer these days?
Why are You so silent?
Is it me?
Or, have You really forgotten?
I don't want anymore tests..
I just want you now. NOW I SAY!
Please don't ever leave or stay silent.
I can't take silence.
Because without You, I would take the Devil's bait.. But You still fixed the problem at the end..The Devil lost..
Today was a horrible day for me, yet surprising. I experienced almost a life and death thing. When I woke up, Cheryl sent me a msg saying that cell was cancelled. I wasn't happy, because I knew it was gonna be a test for me. A test of loyalty and faithfulness. He wanted me to be tested on faith today. He decided that I should be given a test today. To always make a right and wrong decision has got to do between life and death.
Today was not only the day I should look forward to, its a day where there's no cell, service still on, Fahrenheit's arrival in Singapore and The Singapore Flyer. Since there was no cell, I specially woke up early and asked God why did He make it this way? Because im usually the person that, if there is no cell, Im not going to church. Alyssa text me so did Melissa. What was I to say? So the devil must have saw this coming and purposely put the 'Fahrenheit's qian chang hui' today. They were arrving at IMM at 3pm and usually, crazy fans would line up by morning.
So here's the plan, I actually planned to go to church and asked Madelene to reserve a spot for us since we're coming late. But since there was no cell, no one but Alyssa was coming to church so it was when the devil's bait came. I kept asking God.. where does He want me to go, OBVIOUSLY He would say go to church right? A small little voice in my mind was saying.. go to church. But what did my other half say?
'Take the bait and just apologise to God, He'll accept apology!'
If it was you, you would take the bait right? Well unless you're telling me that You would be a a good girl and go to church! So I was stupid and took the bait. I was hooked and here's what happened..
We met up with Madelene and realised that the queue was super long. Yes, I skipped church and she knew as well. We were so far behind and we were quite upset becoz there are just too many people queueing up and we might not even get to see them. But fortunately, I prayed hard and we made it out and we saw them. We waited for more than 4hours. I saw all 4 of them, first I saw was Wu Zun, second was Calvin, 3rd was Jiro.. I couldn't find Aaron for 15minutes. Can't exactly see where he was. Then I saw him.. just for a short while. Girls in front and at the back, whenever one of them waved, the girls would go 'AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH' like it was Zac Efron or something.. -_-
It was bloody squeezy.. we squeezed and sqeezed like shit.. IT WAS 5PM, WE WERE AT JURONG EAST, OUR FLIGHT WAS 6.30PM, WE HAD TO BE AT THE SINGAPORE FLYER HALF AN HOUR EARLY, WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE QUEUE, WE COULDN'T GET OUT EASILY, WE WERE SO CLOSE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH THEM AND SAY HI OR MAYBE EVEN A FRIENDLY HUG. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO.......... ME AND MY SIS LEFT. We were distraught, we ended up being moody, I said goodbye to whatever I had hoped for and left. We squeezed our way out of the queue. We had no choice.
How unfortunate for me was, of all days I had to bleed today. So before we left for Flyer I went toliet while my sis went to buy food. Altogether we took 50minutes to get out of IMM. PICTURE THAT!
ITS WAS 5.50, OUR FLIGHT WAS IN 10MINUTES, WE WERE STILL IN JURONG... We were screaming at each other.. what added fire was, the rain just ened and our feet was super wet and it prevents us from walking fast. We were angry becoz we queued up to nothing.. we queued up to end up looking stupid. But fortunately thanks to Madelene we got their signatures((:
WE DECIDED TO CAB FROM JURONG TO FLYER. DAD WAS SCREAMING ON THE PHONE, WE WERE EXHAUSTED, WE FELT STUPID.
But all was well because it ended up that God was there to fix everything up because of my stupid acts. He knew I was going to take on a bait that no one could resist. he was there yet somehow silent. WHY WAS HE NOT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHERE ON EARTH WAS HE? Beside me the whole time but I choose not to believe so because everything just went wrong the entire day!
My dad, was kind enough to pay our taxi fair, we got on the flyer and saw this..
Follow the image pattern..
'One thing I ask of The Lord, this is what I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.' Psalm 27:4 - Thank You Ingrid((:
This is a lesson learnt for me.. I will have to think of God nomatter what. No matter what important things I have to let go He will still give me another chance someday.. Im just happy that at least I get to see Aaron from afar.. maybe I was never meant to see him in person at all.. Now as I recall what happened at the mall today, I can hardly remember that I saw any of them, because it was so far that It all seemed just like and illusion, it all seemed like I just saw another tv show.. I want to thank God for fixing up the problem, after what happened my dad forgot bout the taxi fare, me and my sis just laughed about the whole thing, we ate at Popeye's after the flight and.. WE EVEN HEARD THAT SOMEONE FAINTED AT THE MALL AND FAHRENHEIT HAD TO STOP SIGNING FOR AWHILE OK!! -_-
Anyways.. still I wanna say: Lord, I feel everything's wrong, Where were You when I needed You the most? Why do You always appear only at the end and saving the day?
I took the devil's bait../11:30 PM
